Wednesday, November 19, 2003
What a mess these damned elves are causing. I missed my lunch dealing with this and when my blood sugar gets low I get angry too easily. I should not yell and scream so much, but I am quickly reaching the breaking point.
A number of elves are purposely slowing down production in protest of whatever the hell it is they are upset about. That is why video game production has slipped. I am going to sit down one more time later this afternoon with the head elves to see if this can be resolved.
I swear, I just want to bitch-slap those little pricks sometimes.
A number of elves are purposely slowing down production in protest of whatever the hell it is they are upset about. That is why video game production has slipped. I am going to sit down one more time later this afternoon with the head elves to see if this can be resolved.
I swear, I just want to bitch-slap those little pricks sometimes.
Another big breakfast and I am off to the factories. I will report on progress later.
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
Mrs. Claus made me a great dinner tonight. Mooseburgers and french fries. I dined with Chester, an elf that has been on my staff for years. He is old and says a lot of stupid things that make me laugh. I spit mooseburger out all over the table when he started muttering about losing his house keys in the snow.
Video game production is down by 37% percent this week. Not sure why we are slipping so badly in this area. We are really going to have to pick up the pace if we want to meet demand this season.
Nothing says Christmas like delivering violent games to young children.
Nothing says Christmas like delivering violent games to young children.
I walked through Toy Shop Building 7 this afternoon. I was curious if my pep talk with the head elves had made any difference. I am disappointed to report that it has not. I should be patient, however, and give it another day.
I am just disappointed to see how slowly many of the elves are working. Some seemed to do it on purpose as I walked by. I do not know how many many Ho Ho Ho's I can muster up in an attempt to improve their mood.
You are probably wondering what the elves could be unhappy about. It is not what most of you corporate types would expect. Health insurance and other benefits are not an issue. Neither are wages. They are lucky to be making anything at all. Their whole damn sour mood has to do with cabbage.
Those damn elves love cabbage. And can you imagine anything more difficult to provide at the North Pole? Growing it is almost impossible, even using greenhouses. It is very expensive to import. So I provide very little cabbage. For some reason it has become a huge issue with them this year.
I wish the little ankle-biters would stop eating the stuff. Not only is it expensive, it makes them reek like a composte heap.
I am just disappointed to see how slowly many of the elves are working. Some seemed to do it on purpose as I walked by. I do not know how many many Ho Ho Ho's I can muster up in an attempt to improve their mood.
You are probably wondering what the elves could be unhappy about. It is not what most of you corporate types would expect. Health insurance and other benefits are not an issue. Neither are wages. They are lucky to be making anything at all. Their whole damn sour mood has to do with cabbage.
Those damn elves love cabbage. And can you imagine anything more difficult to provide at the North Pole? Growing it is almost impossible, even using greenhouses. It is very expensive to import. So I provide very little cabbage. For some reason it has become a huge issue with them this year.
I wish the little ankle-biters would stop eating the stuff. Not only is it expensive, it makes them reek like a composte heap.
Don't forget, you can email me at santasblog@yahoo.com. I would love to hear from you!
Yum! Mrs. Claus made me a huge breakfast this morning. It should provide the fuel to keep me going during these long days. It also works to fatten me up. I need to keep up that Santa image this time of year!
The menu included buttermilk pancakes, hashbrowns, orange juice, 3 penguins and some eggs. I was hoping for some venison sausage. Vixen and Comet are about ready to put out to pasture. I wouldn't mind frying one of those smelly 4-legged shit bags up.
Speaking of Mrs. Claus, I would like to correct the misconceptions and stereotypes surrounding my wife. She is not the fat, old woman Hallmark cards would have you believe. All these fucking holiday cartoons portray her as this big, grandmotherly woman that bakes cookies all day long. She does bake great cookies! But she is also a hot bitch.
Santa doesn't do no skanks.
The menu included buttermilk pancakes, hashbrowns, orange juice, 3 penguins and some eggs. I was hoping for some venison sausage. Vixen and Comet are about ready to put out to pasture. I wouldn't mind frying one of those smelly 4-legged shit bags up.
Speaking of Mrs. Claus, I would like to correct the misconceptions and stereotypes surrounding my wife. She is not the fat, old woman Hallmark cards would have you believe. All these fucking holiday cartoons portray her as this big, grandmotherly woman that bakes cookies all day long. She does bake great cookies! But she is also a hot bitch.
Santa doesn't do no skanks.
Monday, November 17, 2003
This afternoon I held a meeting with all of the head elves. By this time of year, we should be up and running at full steam, knocking out toys non-stop. We have had a few slow downs, but the same thing generally happens at some point during the month of November every year.
Anyway, I met with the head elves to give my annual pep talk. Same old rah rah, "don't forget what we are working for" speech. I feel like it went very well, but I will still need to wait a couple of days to see if it filtered down to all of the little fucks in the toy factory.
Anyway, I met with the head elves to give my annual pep talk. Same old rah rah, "don't forget what we are working for" speech. I feel like it went very well, but I will still need to wait a couple of days to see if it filtered down to all of the little fucks in the toy factory.
Sunday, November 16, 2003
Ho ho ho! Welcome to my blog! I thought you might find it interesting to see how things progress up here at the North Pole as I get ready for the big day. I'm talking Christmas Eve! The night I fly around the world and deliver presents to all the good boys and girls! Ho ho ho!
Read carefully, for I just might let you in on a few secrets about how things work around here!
Read carefully, for I just might let you in on a few secrets about how things work around here!
